“Who are you?” When an HR specialist asked this question in a recent training, I immediately knew how I wanted to respond, but was gripped by an unrecognizable fear. What’s this strange feeling? I always speak up! The facilitator nodded as people slowly gave the expected responses “a nurse”, “a therapist”, “a wife”, “a father” – the usual suspects, all the ways and roles that we show up for every day. I listened, hesitant to say what I really thought, afraid to be transparent. I finally mustered the courage to allow my authentic self to raise my hand and share the actual first thought that had come to my mind. “I am a person”. The facilitator smiled at me when the word PERSON came crashing on the screen as she
advanced to her next slide.
That smile affirmed what I feel is at the heart of recent conversations around the ability to bring our whole selves to work and the strain it puts on people when they are not able to show up…as people. It speaks to appreciating the whole person, not just the role they may fill at any given moment because after the work has been done, the person remains.
It’s easy to define ourselves by our vocation and our relationships. And that is fair. We are relational beings, so what we do and who we do it with matters. But what does it truly mean to be you? I’m not talking about the existential, ethical, or legal understandings of personhood. I’m talking about who we are at our core, those parts of us that remain the same across all our various intersections. What are our values? What is important to us? What are our likes and dislikes? These are the makings of a person. It is easy to allow our roles and relationships to define us rather than to influence us. There is a cost to this though: we risk diminishing our personhood, which ironically makes us less effective and unhappy in those roles and relationships that we are adapting to fit.
Nursing is often referred to as a calling. That calling is not to perform the tasks associated with nursing; that calling speaks to one’s values and motivations as a person. Recognize that it’s common and necessary for some of our values and beliefs to change over time with experience and evolving understanding of the world. So, make sure that taking a regular self-inventory is part of your personal and professional development.
As you show up every day to fill all your many roles, I encourage you to take the time to introspect and get in touch with who you are as a person. I guarantee it will make you a better nurse! Happy Nurses Month!
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